“The only real stumbling block is fear of failure. In cooking you've got to have a what-the-hell attitude.”-- Julia Child
I fear failure, plain and simple. If one were to watch me menu plan for a party, they would laugh. I research to find inspiration, recipes and even tablescapes. I agonize on how to put my own twist on all of the recipes so that those recipes are more mine than someone else's. Then, when I present the menu to the outside world, I worry. I worry that the food is too simple or too elaborate. Finally, when the day comes to cook and present the meal, I fuss over the preparation and then worry after the food is presented. "Will people like it?" "Does it taste spectacular?" You get the idea.
Somewhere along the line, my self confidence faded. I don't believe it's gone, just hidden an attic in my heart. I know I have the talent. I know I have the drive. I even know I have the passion to cook. So, what's my problem? I care way too much what people think.
Chefs should care what people think of their food. People's patronage is how a chef stays in business. That's the bottom line. However, there's a fine line of caring too much. When a chef cares too much, it paralyzes the creative processes and the passion for crafting a gorgeous (and delicious) meal. There's no love that can be poured into that meal because all the energy is concentrated in fear...and people can taste that.
For me, in order to overcome the fear of failure, I need to expose it to light. And then, say, "Yes, dammit! I'm a chef!" I need to continue to surround myself with positive, caring and supportive people to help me through this season of self doubt. I'm a lucky girl in this aspect. Somehow, I've managed to befriend the kindest, most amazing people...people who believe in me when I can't anymore. Then, I need to walk the talk. Act as if I have the self confidence, the skills and the talent...and the knowledge (not just in the head) in the heart will come.
This is a process, and not an easy one. When cooking for someone, there's a lot of "me" in that meal. I designed, crafted and served that meal because you're special, even if I don't know you. Then, there's risk involved.. What happens if that person doesn't like what you've made for them? Oh! How that hurts...but I have to move on. "What the hell?" Right? Smile, evaluate..toss the lies, keep the truth and learn from it. Easier said than done, but it can be done. If Julia can back in the day, I can today. What the hell do I have to lose?
